Be That Friend

Supporting someone you care about

Everyone knows someone. That neighbor going through difficulties with mental health. That roommate struggling with addiction. That family member navigating their “one-day-at-a-time” in recovery.

So what can YOU do to “be that friend?” – a person who’s supportive without enabling, sets boundaries that protect your own health and stress levels, while also letting someone know you’re here for them?  

Understand the Challenges

“It’s easy to get caught up in the pressure to have it all together or to suppress difficult emotions. But true healing comes from being present, acknowledging your feelings, and finding support when needed. True relationships embrace us for who we are, accept our flaws, celebrate our strengths, and offer support through our challenges.”

—Vanessa DelCarmen, Program Manager, Clinical Outpatient Services

Be a Key Part of Their Support Network. Be That Friend. 

Your supportive role as a loved one, colleague, or friend is crucial and possibly the most valuable contribution you can make. Stable, supportive relationships are a key component of recovery.  

“Support has been the most important thing to me in my recovery. I would not be where I am today without my support network – friends, coworkers, people in the recovery community. It’s a beautiful thing to have someone to lean on, especially when you’re struggling.”

—Maddie Kunz, Insurance Verification Specialist

“To be ‘that’ friend, I try to bring them into the happiness most people share. I give them a quick call, invite them for coffee or lunch, or just send them a text letting them know I value them; letting them know I care despite what they are dealing with is so important.“

—George York, SouthLight Board Chair

Respect Boundaries – Yours and Theirs. 

You matter, too. You can “be that friend” and still respect your boundaries. This is important for maintaining your well-being as well as the health of the relationship. It’s about finding the balance between give and take.  

Clear communication is the key for both of you. If, for example, you’re not comfortable having them in your home, ask to meet in a public space. Let them know specific times you’re available to talk. Acknowledge their feelings and be firm (and kind) about what is and isn’t okay with you. Your boundaries aren’t just for you; they can help the person rely on themselves and seek out a broader support system, which benefits their wellness journey. 

For someone who is struggling with addiction or mental health, or working hard to stay sober, know that they also have boundaries. They might want to avoid certain situations such as a party where there’s alcohol. There might be topics that should be avoided or family members they prefer not to see. Remember that they’re working to make choices that support their health and healing. 

Encourage Professional Support. 

While you care, you aren’t equipped to be their sole support system. Tell them, “I’ll be here to support you, but a professional can offer you the guidance you deserve.” If needed, share resources, but don’t have fixed expectations on how it will be received. 

Be That Friend from a Distance. 

Despite your best intentions, actions, and words, you might find that “being that friend” is met with rejection. “I don’t need your help.” “Leave me alone.” “No thanks, I’ve got this.” Not everyone who’s struggling is ready to have someone walk alongside them on their journey. And that’s okay. Keep communication open without pushing too hard. Let them know you’re here for them. Your consistent and non-judgmental presence will provide a healthy connection – even from a distance – that lets them know they’re accepted. It can become a lifeline if and when they reach out for help. 

Six Ways to Be That Friend to Someone Struggling with Mental Health or Substance Use

Supportive relationships are a key component of recovery. Learn six more ways to be that friend, plus some practical tips.

The Holidays: A good time to check in . . .

Add to someone’s daily challenges the high expectations and intensity of the holiday season and you know this is a time when things can get tougher.

“While the holidays can be a wonderful time, they can also be tricky. Many of us look forward to being with our family, others may not have families or friends to be with. Social gatherings may trigger feelings of loneliness, loss, or pressure to use substances that have caused problems in the past. This is a good time to check in with friends and family. A simple ‘I was thinking of you‘ can go a long way.”

—Letitia Hazel, M.D., Chief Medical Officer